Real Men Beat Their Wives

By IREN TATEVOSYAN
Irentatevosyan@yahoo.com

She lied in an almost catatonic state on the Van hospital bed with an iron-shaped third-degree burn on her back, a fever, and a missing ear. The mother of the victim seemed to think that death may have been a better option; “I wish he had killed her to spare her all the suffering.”

The woman in question is Sidika Platin, a resident of the Kapitkoy, Turkey, and one among the 42 percent of women in the country who suffer from domestic abuse. As I viewed her deformed body stretched across the T.V. screen, I felt my body temperature rise. I recounted one story after another, until I was consumed with rage. One particular idea unnerved me. I thought, with a domestic abuse situation so similar, how were Armenians any different from their Turkish neighbors in this respect?

The answer was even more disturbing. We were not. According to the Human Rights Council’s 2010 report, 80 of 100 married women in Gyumri, one of the largest Armenian cities, admitted to experiencing domestic violence. While the national figure is probably not as high, it is nevertheless uncertain. Non-governmental organizations have attempted to gather this percentage but the prevalent behind-closed-doors attitude has stifled research. The task becomes more daunting when abuse is considered a common denominator of the marriage equation; sadly, a formula that is accepted by both men and women. In fact, Amnesty International reports (2008) that the first question asked by the police and legal enforcement to a woman sexually assaulted by her husband is, “What did you do to encourage this?” Evidently, the adage, “a woman is like wool, the more you beat her, the softer she will be,” seems to be more of a practice than a proverb.

Then came the most repulsive and revolting deduction: were these Armenian males not perpetrating analogous crimes to those committed against their women 95 years ago in the Armenian Genocide? Isn’t beating your wife also a crime against humanity?
The mentality necessary for inflicting such pain on another, especially when the individual happens to be physically inferior, is absent of the compassion that is supposed to make us human. While the motive, scope and overall scheme of those like Enver and Talaat Pasha may have been different, the hand of the Armenian man should never be remotely comparable to the bloody hands of the Young Turks.

Make no mistake, however, this criticism should not be taken to reflect badly on the Armenian culture as a whole. No nation is without its flaws, and it would be imprudent to judge people when presented with their worst face. In vehemently denouncing this particular element of my and any culture where domestic abuse is common, I desire to somehow better (what should have never been) this reality. In addressing the issue I would also like to annihilate what I think to be its root cause: the concept of purity in women.

While deteriorating socioeconomic conditions may contribute to the incidence of domestic violence, I believe that an adherence to patriarchal gender roles not only maintains but provokes this physical and psychological cruelty. In attempting to imprison Armenian girls in the cells of chastity in order to raise “good tenakan axchikner (housewives),” these women become socially fixed in an immovable strata, expected only to guard their virginity till marriage, produce children, cook and clean indefinitely, and essentially stay home. I have heard one too many chilling stories of “the man” who keeps his wife and children at home while he runs around with his mistresses, sometimes even catering to a second family. Meanwhile his “unscathed” trophy remains quietly at home shining pristinely. Should she utter a protest against such practices she will be shut up immediately, verbally or physically, by her husband or by the in-laws via “an ashtray to the head” (Amnesty International, 2008).

I am not judging virginity, purity or devotion to a tradition if it is a true choice. But, if it is a pseudo-requirement enforced and adhered to by society, it has the effect of transforming girls into dolls with their husbands as ventriloquists. Because these women are not allowed to think and do as they please, they inevitably are assigned a sub-par standing. This patriarchal mindset that women are inherently different than men allows “the man” to think that he may subject his wife to the force of his hand.

If this temperament persists and if Armenia, and other such countries, are not liberalized socially, then their respective domestic violence rates will either remain as is or continue to climb. The subjugation of women by repression and sexual control ought to be a thing of the past. A real man should not have to demean his woman in order to feel like he is something. A real man would treat his wife as his equal.

No individual should ever look like the Sidika Platin onscreen, no matter what race, gender, sexual orientation or any personal preference.