Traditionalism or Individualism?

Talar Mardirossian
tmardirossian@ucla.edu

What do you do when you’re stuck at a crossroad and you have to choose between meeting your Armenian family’s expectations of starting a family of your own or continuing your education and having a career? Who do you please in this situation? Do you simply bear it and grin as you neglect your career aspirations in order to get married and start a family or do you defy your family’s expectations to pursue a career of your own?

It is unfortunate to say that countless Armenian girls have had the misfortune to come across such a crossroad early on in their lives. Even though, as time goes on, the Armenian culture and its traditions is adapting to the twenty-first century and in a way, the American lifestyle, Armenian girls are still being encouraged to marry at a young age, as in their early 20s, and disregard any opportunities they might have had in continuing their education.

I am now seeing more and more of my high school friends getting engaged and soon after, married, and I’m stuck trying to figure out what the rush is all about. I always thought this period was supposed to be the time for us to mature and learn who we are as individuals before dedicating our lives to another person. When seeing the increasing amount of young wives and mothers, one would think otherwise.

Once married, the typical gender roles are sometimes being enforced; in other words, the woman stays at home to manage the household and tend to the children, without any outside help from family or in-laws, while the man works and brings home the bacon, so to speak. When such roles are imposed, the woman doesn’t have the opportunity to continue on with her higher education or to have a job and establish herself in the working world. There is no room to negotiate her role in the marriage, but on the bright side, she ends up pleasing her husband and meeting the expectations of her family.

Even though there is an encouragement towards marrying early, most are instead encouraged to maintain good grades while working towards traditional careers, such as those in business, law, or medicine. That way, they can be capable of financially supporting themselves and their family prior to getting married.

An increasing number of families are also becoming accepting of their daughters’ decision to both work and have a family, especially during these difficult economic times. It is becoming more common for a woman to get married, work, and start a family all during the same period of time. However, is a woman considered to be less of a mother because she works and therefore isn’t the sole caregiver of her baby? I guess it all depends on who you ask…

Even though certain expectations are still being enforced in some households, such as those related to early marriage and gender roles, more families are beginning to abandon those characteristics of the Armenian culture. It isn’t uncommon nowadays to hear of an Armenian husband staying home to take care of the kids as the wife works full-time and is the sole financial contributor of the household. Although families are becoming accepting of such changes, women still feel obligated to give into the pressures placed on them in regards to marriage.

Growing up, parents instill high morals and values into their children. They teach their kids right from wrong, how to make their own decisions, and be true to themselves, free from peer pressure; yet, when the girls reach a certain age, finding a husband and marriage seem to be the topics of every conversation. It is no wonder that so many young girls are getting married and quitting school, if they were even going to begin with, in order to work dead-end jobs to make ends meet, that is, if their husbands allow them to work. If these girls were free from their family’s expectations and actually allowed to make their own decisions free from judgment, would they have taken the same path?

It is said that a woman is responsible for upholding her family’s dignity. Maybe that’s why a woman receives such ridicule for going against her family’s wishes. Maybe that’s why the family’s expectations of her are so high. But at what point does she decide that enough is enough and finally goes after her dreams and career aspirations? Why does it seem like she sometimes has to choose between a family and a career?