Defining Social Assimilation (Fall 07)

by Osheen Abramian

I was at the corner of Olive and San Fernando recently when across the intersection was an S-class Mercedes with an Armenian woman in the driver’s seat sporting a Twisted Sister haircut.

She rolled down her window and nonchalantly tossed an In-n-Out bag onto the street.

Earlier today I heard some of my Armenian friends talk about getting fake tax returns in order to receive financial aid to cover the cost of new rims.

An Armenian youngster once pulled me aside on the street threatening to hurt me because I laughed at his medieval jester clown shoes, as if it’s my fault he gets his clothes from Party World.

And yet sometimes we wonder why so many non-Armenians loathe us.

You’re not Raskolnikov, Bill O’Reilly, nor The Second Coming. We need to get over ourselves and trash those annoying God-complexes Armenians carry on our sleeves so vehemently.

When you move to the United States, not only do you agree to abide by the laws on all levels of government, you have to socially assimilate enough American culture to be a good citizen.

So on behalf of all Americans, they’re not consciously trying to offend you if they don’t shake the hands of all eightyfour guys seated against the wall.

Just because Jeff said hello to your sister across the street last week doesn’t mean he’s planning to gift your family with eighteen cows for the dowry anytime soon.

Finally, don’t criticize governmental taxing policy while cashing a welfare check and a paycheck at the same time.

It’s bad enough that many of us can’t speak fluent Armenian, but it’s even worse that some individuals can’t even scrap together enough English to ask how much the checkout total was at Jons’ Supermarket.

There’s social rules the Diaspora has to adapt to, and as a native-born citizen of the United States, I see that many of us have some very objectionable sensibilities relative to non-Armenians.

From simple things like littering with blatant disregard to the law, to a tad more crucial things like car insurance fraud and hitand- runs, there are more than a few kinks we can fix in our image.

We are not exempt to the civic duties and virtues brought upon in this country. To say that non-Armenians ‘do it too’ is a pathetic excuse. I’m concerned with the image of Diasporan Armenians and we traditionally retain a strong moral fiber, so let’s not stoop to the level of others.

I remember the days in which if I had a conflict with someone, I could flip them the bird and that was that. The days in which you could sleep with a Jenny or Kelsey and comfortably sit next to her the next day in lecture.

But for some reason, if my shoe lace unties and lands on an Armenian, it becomes a Sopranos nail-biter.

He calls me, he calls my friends, he calls his mom, borrows his grandfather’s Bolshevik revolver, and calls up the rest of the GCC student body.

Oh, I understand. The fedayis who died in Karabakh we’re fighting for the right for us to pummel each other to death. Don’t we have anything better to do?

We have to ‘meet up’ to talk and solve the problem like men of honor. Not at Starbucks, Coffee Bean, nor the local 7-11. No, not the typical stomping grounds, but onto a battlefield, or Fremont Park. Sun Tzu would be speechless.

Here’s a simple fact. If you are new to a country and unfamiliar with its customs and laws, there are social rules we have to play by.

This can only be achieved through an open mindedness and a willingness to constantly interact and genuinely cohabitate with non-Armenians.

That way, we’ll understand how our own image is being conveyed towards others, improve upon them, and live more comfortable and positive social lives.

It’s good to get perspective and criticism from others. For the betterment of ourselves as individuals and as Armenians, we need to constantly be aware of what aspects of our people we can improve upon.

Cultural assimilation is another story, but socially, we need to pluck a few eyebrows.