Commuters: Real Road !@#$ing Warriors (Winter 08)

Tigran Avoundjian
avoundjian@ucla.edu

As I sit in rush hour traffic on the 405 at 6:30 am on a typical morning commute I almost crack my head open from banging it against the steering wheel out of frustration for not getting off on Sepulveda Blvd, which–come on, you people who take surface streets are not clever as you think–on most days is no better than the freeway.

I know you’re thinking, "Well, there are always the canyon roads!" They’re one lane three quarters of the way, and getting on them when they are even mildly congested takes longer than sitting in traffic on the 405.

Google Maps estimates the trip to UCLA from Glendale, CA to be about 22 minutes. After two years of driving back and forth on the very same path that Google suggests, the fastest I made it to UCLA was 17 minutes, and that was going 100mph on a very empty 405 on a Sunday afternoon.

Unfortunately, not every commute is that pleasant and not every commuter is that crazy. On an average weekday, it takes anywhere from 45 minutes to two hours to get to UCLA. It takes Dominos Pizza 30 minutes to deliver two large pizzas. And that’s with any toppings.

Traffic can get so unbearable on the drive to UCLA that some students cave into their cravings when they’re sitting in the middle of a great big traffic jam for hours at a time. I always keep a bag of sunflower seeds in my glove compartment as a pastime activity if traffic gets too unbearable. Others find traffic to be a good time to handle business meetings, have breakfast, or even get dressed for school.

Quite possible the funniest thing I have ever seen sitting in traffic is a girl simultaneously putting on makeup, eating a muffin, talking on her cell phone, and flipping through her notes on an exceptionally busy 405. One particular commuting horror story I collected in my tenure at UCLA involved a friend of mine who got so fed up with traffic that he called up Pizza Hut and attempted to order pizza.

"Yea, just look for me between the Getty and Sunset exits on the 405 South, I’ll be in the White Escalade in the left most lane. You might want to bring a bike, it’s pretty packed here."
Yet, given all the horrors of commuting, it does have its upsides. For starters, I never have to worry about food, laundry, housekeeping, or anything like that. And also, in a very "blessing in disguise" sort of way, commuting forces you to plan ahead. It’s true that traffic can be horrible, but time it just right, leave at just the right time, and you can make it to UCLA without tapping your brakes even once.

Also, after two years of commuting, my sense of geography has improved tremendously. It’s almost like I have a built in GPS in my head, which maps out a giant portion of the Valley, including all of Sherman Oaks and Westwood.

Commuters have it rough. We brave traffic jams, the cascade effect, idiot drivers who love to change lanes into us, even bigger idiot drivers who love to cut us off, road rage, narcolepsy, claustrophobia and boredom and all for what? For the pursuit of higher education and the comforts of a warm meal and a comfortable bed.

Life is tough, but it’s a bittersweet sort of toughness. And it’s this very toughness that has turned us, the commuters of the world, into the real road !@#$ing warriors of the world.